Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
