So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
