We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need water and some morals
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
