Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
