I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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