non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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