i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
