I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize