STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
