Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
