Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
