I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my being single is dangerous.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
