I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
