Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
