is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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