the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
