8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
