She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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