who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
