The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
