somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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