If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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