You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just cropdusted the office
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
