Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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