Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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