apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
