Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
