hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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