Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
