Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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