Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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