Who did Billy Mays play for?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
