When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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