I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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