all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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