How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
