he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize