So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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