The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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