I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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