Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
