Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
