is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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