meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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