and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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