i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
