I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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