If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
