Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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