So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
