worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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