I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
