Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
