my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
