Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
