It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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