Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
