Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
