I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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