I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
