I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
