so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
