Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
