why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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