Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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