he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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