I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize