I am in a vortex of obligation.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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